As funny (or maybe not-so, depending on how humorous you really think I am, which could understandably be not-so-much) as the above situation may be, it sums up rather well my current mental state. Given that I now have an exigent amount of free time on my hands (if you're unemployed and not in school, you'll know what I mean), I've got every opportunity in the world to ponder which career path to choose or even what to do *with* my free time. And of course, as part of the IIEPFN Society, my mind races so fast through the possibilities that a counselor would have no problem diagnosing me with Career ADD. Here's an example from tonight, after watching President Obama's State of the Union (had I verbalized my thoughts and numerically organized them):
- "Finally, Obama talked about repealing the DADT policy! It wasn't much though...and I'm doubtful that any action will follow. I feel like if I were to argue for the repeal, I wouldn't know enough, and honestly, the whole "feel compassion for the people" argument doesn't seem too effective. Maybe I should do some research."
- "This wikipedia article is a good start, but if I'm going to look informed in the matter then it'd probably be best to read the actual policy and the arguments made for and against so far by people who aren't morons."
- "Ugh, the policy is 4 pages...I doubt I could even make it through the first 2 without getting distracted. I wish I knew more legalese so this wouldn't be so difficult."
- "I wonder how long it takes to study for and pass the bar exam in California....or even how much is costs. Holy crap that's expensive. What's with all these rules for taking it? You can't just study from a book and pay for the exam?"
- "I don't think I could handle law school or 4 years of studying under a lawyer, not financially anyway. It'd be so crazy to just learn about law and take the exam, and then be officially knowledgeable about it. Maybe I should check some books out from the library."
- "You know, I wonder if you could get the government to pay for law school if you joined the military. What's the good-ol' internet got to say about this...meh, looks like you have to serve a few years before they would consider sending you and paying for it. I feel like I'd want to just hop into it."
- "Does the military pay for grad school? I could get a master's in some engineering, I guess. Heh, there's an Air Force Institute of Technology. Do I even know what I would want to study? Astronautical engineering? Nuclear, maybe? Bleh, I don't want this to be a repeat of my attempt at USC, half-heartedly studying for some degree that I'm not to sure about."
- "GOD, I just want to figure out what to do with my life!! What if I did just join the military and try to become an officer? I wonder if they'd pay for my loans. Oooo, I could be a pilot. Wonder how long that training takes...probably a while. And what about my commitment? Ehh, I dunno about whether I'd still be happy with my decision 4 years down the road. I mean, at least I'd have a job that would probably be fulfilling. Not much in the ways of freedom, though...and I'm sure Nick would freak a little, per usual. "
- "What if I went as a reservist, like I had planned before? I mean, I could still get a full-time job doing something else, and it'd give me some sort of direction. Jesus, the amount of time I spend debating the military. Yes, no, yes, no, yes yes yes, no no no. Would they even pay for my loans? From all I've heard about recruiters, they'd tell me they would and then 6 months down the road I'd be sitting with mounting debt and nada coming in."
- "AHHHH WHY CAN'T I DECIDE ON ANYTHING."
Two hours later, I'm staring blankly at my computer screen with a slight twitch and having gotten nowhere in any of the little "projects" I had brainstormed. As odd as it sounds, my main fear in trying to decide on a career is that I'll be stuck in one field. Which, interestingly enough, essentially defines what a career is: utilizing your knowledge and skills in a particular area to complete work in that field. This wouldn't be so bad were I not interested in EVERYTHING and couldn't choose which field was worth pursuing. Not only that, unless I'm practically forced to do something, I've got no patience to settle down and learn about the field enough to make it a career. And what happens if I get bored with my career? Didn't I just waste so many years of my life doing something I didn't want to do?
So, there you've got my long-overdue complain-a-thon, which I'm sure you were dying to read. If anyone reading this (all 2 or 3 of you) has any suggestions or advice, please share. I'm a blithering mess of indecisiveness and would appreciate some feedback. Something constructive, preferably?
P.S. If you hadn't guessed from this post, I've decided to stop attending graduate school because I was studying for a degree I wasn't particularly sure about and that was sinking me into phenomenal debt. Currently, I'm still living in Los Angeles and in search of a job (having applied to 40+ aerospace positions in and out of the city and hearing nothing back. Woo recession!).
P.P.S My apologies for the color and formatting of the post - something is seriously afoul with the html coding and I don't feel like searching for the problem.
