Outlaw of the office

I've recently taken to collapsing one of my lungs each day at work around lunchtime.

Good thing I recently purchased that large hypodermic needle on Ebay to re-inflate it. Now I just need to deal with the 15 or so holes in my chest...

Just as I pull out my pb&j, chips, and fruit snacks, I inevitably find my way over to here (hey, I figured out how to do that!) and end up reading a few more posts. Alright, so the general subject of the blog may not be completely applicable to everyone reading her posts (note: I DID NOT JUST HAVE A KID. NOR AM I A MOM. THANK YOU FOR READING THROUGH THIS PUBLIC SERVICE ANNOUNCEMENT). But the way Dooce writes is, in my opinion, completely hysterical. To the point where, even though many of my coworkers have left the office for lunch, I still end up bursting a blood vessel (or 10) in my eye as I try not let a BAHAHA echo through the office. And then one of my lungs shrivels up and dies.

Dooce is realistic and sarcastic, as well as a great writer who knows how to use punctuation and the little extras in style that push the blog over the "ordinary" line. One of those extras that I really get a kick out of is her use of CAPS.

Caps, when used wrong, are slightly terrifying and don't really set the..uh..implied mood. Therefore, it is easy to be taken aback when one receives an email that goes a little something like this:

Chris,
HOW ARE YOU? MOM AND I HAVE NOT HEARD FROM YOU FOR A WHILE. Are you OK? JUST GIVE US A CALL OR SOMETHING. NELLY AND MARCY ARE DOING GREAT.
-Dad

I love you, dad, I really do. But why are you yelling? Because whenever I read something written in caps, I read SCREAMING AND YELLING AND MAYHEM. Which is something I *think* the original creators the English written language intended. I'm not an English major though, so don't call me out on that.

So apparently the dogs (NELLY AND MARCY) are doing GREAT. AHHHHHHHHH. I love my dogs too. And now I think they're doing so GREAT that it may be INTENSELY PAINFUL for them. And let's all face it, folks, veterinary bills ain't cheap.

I realize that the whole CAPS style point may not be so ridiculously hilarious to everyone reading this, and I apologize. You must realize, though, that when I read things, I give the words little voices that match the character or narrator. So when my eyes grace letters given capital punishment on a page(......hehe), there's suddenly a cacophony of shouting in my brain which either creates a small seizure or smile. Usually no one notices the seizures until they realize that half of my body is slumped over in the chair.


Too far? Of course not.

So much for updating you guys about my job. Hopefully next time I'll be able to do that, given that I have two fully functioning lungs and no paralyzed arms.

P.S. Happy *early* Father's Day, Dad! I jest because I care!